Hi Lord,
i guess i finally know what to wish for my 23rd year of my life. I wanted to finally.. FINALLY finally find a place and a person whom can make me find my self special. Very incredibly special, not important or good enough. But you know, different, special, in a very good way, of course. I always wanted those and had been searching for these all my life time. Grant my wish will You, dearest loving Father? Please?
Love
me
People may judge me to be too religious, too holy and too ridiculously relying and devoted to God.
They say i don’t understand the idea of religion in scientific and modern life, they say i might worship a God that may only can be as real as a fairy tale can be. They say i am not being open minded and seeking the truth? But seriously to what extend you want to keep exploring? well i guess i am lucky enough to find my ‘way home’ and already able to bear fruits by understanding and living my belief’s way and its philosophy.
I am asking my self too, many many times, what i want to pursue in this road with God and living a life of righteousness and service. A normal human being will always ask ‘What is there for me in the end?’ Heaven? Blessings that is more than i should receive? No, not really. I am a true believer in sincerity, to which that i am doing things more for the purpose of it not the reward i will have. It’s up to God to share the harvest toil or grace or mercy. I dont really care much, really. My life can be sucks and i still be okay and still not stopping me to give help and service to those who need.
So actually i am gaining nothing, but my own self growth and spiritual peace and strength. I oftenly asked, is this , enough? or this is what i really want?
Of course riding the wave with God, taking cross, and ‘drinking from His cup’ is never an easy task. I have to stretch my self and endure more pain than normal people, of course for a purpose that matters to me. It is sometimes turn to be an agony when other people cannot accept and appreciate the choices you make and the sacrifices you have done. But yea, God persist and walking with me, so i am always fine and actually able to give thanks, in any darkest situation.
But you might want to know? why God? why so religious? How come? lalalala~
To me, God is the perfect form of love. If God comes into picture, the world can never be any better. Even in chaos and turmoil, if you know God is there and His love sustains, you know than things is gonna be alright. In God’s world, where people are obligated to help and support each other as if they love themselves, where people are suppose to be honest and compassionate, where people fear God and never play god within their people and do gory things like invading human rights and destroying the planet, where there is only peace and understanding, never be hatred and terror..
i know, i am basically describing heaven. But you know what this ‘heaven’ can actually happen when people turn their head to God and live in love side by side. That is why my reason to stick so much with God and His work. I want to see the world to be a little better and this one certain way i had discovered to achieve that vision. And i know i will see this ‘heaven’ if i work hard with God to spread kindness and wisdom.
Why i am so concerned about the world and not my own life or world? Why so busy body?
I dont know, but this must be something to do with the purpose of my creation. The reason that i seek to find my self alive and worth while. I don’t know much about passion, or achievement, but i do know, that when i see a gap (and the importance to have it filled), I would want to fill that gap and make things a little better. Somehow something inside me just pulled me to those gaps and it is just a joy to help completing something, a need, and to see the impact of your generous little seed of kindness grow into a tree you have never imagined.
Yea i think that is one of the thing i like, by working with God. He always know my heart and know best how to surprise me. Yes i know things by heart and i have this gift to sense things and its intention. That is why i always overwhelmed by the purity and magnanimity of God’s wonder. And this experience and phenomone brings me to who i am now. I am looking for life with a solid purpose, to save the world from wickedness and bring the missing value back to the table. And i know the great resource i can always count on, my dearest God and shepherd. With Him and my family in Christ we will riding winds and going through thunders and storm just to bring sunshine to those who are confined in darkness and coldness of life.
I want to belief that life can be beautiful, and each effort, slowly but sure, work on with faithful heart and fullness of love, will always bears fruit and bring joy to more people and perhaps to a generation.
God is my strength, my wisdom, my source of passion and perseverance. My true companion who never gave up on me, and who somehow trust me and accepted my for who i really am.
I know i sound crazy but i believe i had made the right choice. I am lifting it up in His hand and surrender my self to His plan. We are working on wonders and love ! We will make the world a little brighter ! 
My life purpose is to bring positive changes to the world, and bring out the goodness of people into purposeful actions , in that way i made world’s to be more ‘beautiful’
This is an humble artist promise to her creator as a form of gratitude
Five year has pass since the first time i came here.
So here i am, just turn 23 on Thursday. PR application on delay. Second job. Diploma in Multimedia design. Freelance for drawing and simple animation.
Sunday school teacher (Now sec 2) . A terrible struggling singer. And art director wanna be. Love society and community building. Art enthusiastic. Some fling, 0 relationship. Here is my life. Mess and unruled. I kinda proud of it, although it havent turn into its perfect form, but i will make that happen. Still many things to look out for. Many, many thing.
Top list of thing i had done in the last 5 years
1. Made through NAFA for 3 years ! Though times, FYP, art classes !
2. Made wedding montage which quite a success for beginner level
3. Give Moral and spiritual lesson for primary 1 for 4 years plus plus.
4. Help out in many camps, and take photo event as well as make the montage
5. Design t shirts !!
6. Belong to church choir
7. Do a little acting for school project. (Should do more in free time)
8. Sing in cathedral.. like solo.. an awfully one
9. Laptop spoiled 2 times 
10. Baked cup cakes for sunday school class with pink frosting !
11. Do an overnight baking with goodfriends for Peng’s bday !
12. Involved in charity trip and mission 3x
13. Play amazing race around Singapore
14. Help out in church office for slides and Mass intention data
15. Went to Australia
16. Walk around exploring Singapore and took picture.
17. Read Jane Austen series (most of it)
18. Read Malcom Gladwell’s, Edward de bono, About Steve Jobs, IDEO’s Kelley, Seth Godin’s and many more.
19. Went for chinese conversation lessons.
20. Went for Figure drawing for animation
21. TEDxSingapore events
22. Shoot commercial, art direct photoshoot and ads
23. Work with celebrities LOL
24. Be a calefare for local drama
25. Work part time in Japanese Bakery cafe
26. Work part time in Travel Agent
27. Change hairstyle drastically
28. Lost a passport on the day of departure ( lalalala~, yes i missed the flight)
29. Grandma pass out at public place and made a scene !
30. Travel alone to Malaysia (Penang and Kuching) for medical emergency (not my self)
31. Attend talks, symposium, award shows, exhibitions and many more
32. Now teaching secondary 2 kids. Wishing to be those inspiring and cool teacher.
33. Stayed in a luxurious studio for 3 months.
34. Went to nightclub for less than 20 min ( not my liking )
35. Made my own ikea stuffs !! (i am so proud of it haha…) 1 bookcase and coat standee hanger
36. Attend voice grooming class
37. Stayed overnight in office twice
38. Bought wacom then iPad
39. Freelance for production house.
40. Made illustration work for Subway
I want to have more adventure and exposure next 5 years. Maybe travel further? Backpacking? Further study?
Maybe study japanese.. or actually master Japanese.. be a qualified illustrator and vegan cook? Involved more in social projects. and many many more awesome stuff i would learn to do !
I am still young and i wont let anything holding me back !
i am not gonna wait, or asking for mercy. i have to be strong and be able to stand on my own feet, and not relying to anyone. What’s over is over. What i couldn’t have, i will not ask nor wait for something that is not gonna happen.
I don’t mind how life taking me. I dont need earthly glory and rub shoulder with the arrogant and poised. I only mingle with those who have heart and mind. I am stupid you might think, but i rather sleeping with my own pride and hunger, than to beg and racing with these people.
I begin my 23rd year with a loss of heart and skepticism. My heart died and my life seems impaired. Who knows how i am gonna end it.
But whatever happen, i should be happy, in any ways.
God i am sorry i ve been spending my time wrestling with life, which i dont really know how to conquer,
i should get back to you more, find a peace and think of way to conquer it. So that i wont waste so much energy.
God thank you for loving me perfectly and to let me know that i am your unique creation.
God i am longing for a bright future, a loving and true love, a happiness surrounded by people who make good difference in life.
Thanks for loving me always and to bring amazing ppl in my life
monique
i am afraid.
I know i do things based on my love to them, my love to my dream, my people, my family, and to the world. And If God wants me i wish to do more, i do want to say yes with out a ‘but’… ………….. sigh however my life is falling apart i feel, or in a wobbly and fragile mode. It feels it is not strongly hold, like many parts of it left loose and weak.
Why i dont know? I suspect i am not trying hard enough to win my own good fight? Or i made a terribly mistake by making the wrong choices? Or i get distracted much by many unexpected details. I dont know if they are necessary or not. Of course they are all related to me and to the one life i owned.
It didn’t have to be complicated, although simplicity can hardly fulfill what it aspire to be. My life, for now, it seems nothing and not really sure where it is heading. I am grateful for my life, although it is not perfect, but it is decent and i have ppl whom i love, work and mission as well, so my purpose is also kind of clear. To vision is easy… to plan is a cake but to live on with struggle could be agonizing i would say, if hope gets thinner and expectation gets higher. I feel i am not tall enough to touch the tip of my dream or the life i dreamed.
I love therefore i persevere, i have faith that is why i persevere, i have hope that is why i am being faithful, but what if the visions gets blur and hope gets thin? You find yourself stuck at a point of time, where you can hardly grow because it is not yet your time.
Sigh.. sometimes i find myself grew weary and daunted by my own expectations or other ppl’s expectations, note : the people who cares about me and i do cherished them. I cannot let them down, it will be a shame to do that.
What am i suppose to do? Can get me some help here? Life had been to diluted, hardly taste or find the benefits of it…. i dont know what am i swallowing.
I want to improve this life, will leverage is the only way, or i deny my self and search for purpose instead? I cannot please everybody, even it is what i wish i could. I mean who want to disappoint people?
I want to find my self and ignite, bloom, or simply be very truly happy.
